All Nights End With Dawn
by writhen heart
Summary: The childhood of Remus Lupin. The beginning of his schooling at Hogwarts, the discovery of his secret and the birth of the Marauders. A story of sad, painful, funny and hopeful moments. A story worth telling. TRANSLATION of 'Toutes les nuits se finissent sur une aurore' by Shiro.K
1. Chapter 1

**Rating: **K+

**Warnings: **Some mentions of violence, prejudice

**Disclaimer: **Don't own Harry Potter, or even this lovely story.

**A/N:** This is a translation of a lovely French fanfiction by Shiro.K called _Toutes les nuits se finissent sur une aurore_

The chapters are all quite short, which is one of the reasons I found it easy to read. If you happen to be able to read French, please check out the original!

Updates will be weekly.

* * *

**Original Authors Notes:**

This story focusses on Remus' childhood, from the time he is bitten, through his early days at Hogwarts.

The PoV will vary amongst chapters, hence the stylistic feel will too. However, most sections will be in Remus' POV.

There will be about 15 chapters in all.

* * *

Chapter 1 : Prologue

That night marked the beginning of the end.

When his father returned, his mother had stopped smiling, and approached him with a worried look.

She had asked him what was wrong, and they had locked themselves in the office, leaving him alone in the living room.

After a long time, they emerged, and he had run to greet his father. Unlike usual, his father hadn't lifted him up and twirled him around, demanding in a mock serious voice, "So, Mr Lupin, have you been well behaved today?"

No, instead, he had knelt in front of him, and used the serious voice that meant he really had to listen. He had told him to pay close attention, that a bad man wanted to hurt him. He didn't understand, and had asked why. He hadn't done anything naughty, had he? Auntie Suzanne always told him he was a nice boy, the cutest darling, so why?

His daddy told him that there was no reason, that "Greyback" was just a bad person by nature.

When Remus asked what that was, a "Greyback", his father had grimaced. He had finished by saying that it was a big, very bad wolf, who could turn human. He had forbidden Remus from going out alone, especially at night.

Remus was a good boy, and he knew when his dad was not joking, so he had listened to him attentively

* * *

Remus might have been very well behaved and intelligent, but he was nevertheless still a child.

So, after two, almost three weeks, as nothing had happened and his father hadn't mentioned "Greyback" again, Remus did what any five, soon-to-be six year old little boy would do.

He put his father's warning to the back of his mind and forgot about it.

By the time he needed it most, the warning was useless, and it was too late.

* * *

**A/N:** Reviews appreciated :)


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 : Full moon and meeting

He was six and a half at the time. However, he would always clearly remember that day. He had never been able to forget.

He was curious. His parents told him that it was a good thing, that it would help him learn.

These days, his parents didn't say much, and he understood why. Curiosity killed the cat.

He saw an owl. A regularly seen animal in the countryside where he lived, especially for a wizard, but being the little boy he was at the time, he adored animals.

These days though, he couldn't approach them, as they considered him a predator.

He set forth into the garden, with only his notebook and a pencil. He liked watching animals, and learning as much as possible about them.

Today,_ he_ is the animal, and children learn about all the ways to kill him.

His father had been busy in his workshop, tinkering with furniture for the approaching Mother's Day. Remus had intended to give her drawings of animals, and the owl was really beautiful. He was a good drawer, even then.

Today, his father no longer tinkered with anything, and they didn't celebrate Mother's Day. They didn't celebrate much at all anymore.

He had wandered into the forest, not noticing that the sun was already low in the horizon, nor that the full moon had begun to show in the sky.

Today, he could no longer ignore it. His bones got sore several days before it was full.

He had seen _him_ leaning against a tree by the house. He approached, unsuspecting. With all the innocence and kindness he had at the time, Remus asked him if he needed help.

Today, he was the one who needed help, even though he didn't deserve it, whatever his parents said.

The man had looked at him, a strange smile drawn on his face.

Today, he knew. That smile was a sadistic smile.

He told him he was waiting for someone.

Today, he knew that this _someone_ was_ him_.

When he had asked his name with the unwavering confidence innate in all children, the man had hesitated. This his smile had widened, his tongue had swiped over his lips, and he'd said that his name was Fenir.

Today, he knew that Fenir and Greyback were two names that referred to the same man, and would have thrown himself on that bastard if he could have.

His child self hadn't made the connection.

How could he, a boy of six and a half years, have known that the "Greyback" his father had told him about was standing in front of him ?

How could he have guessed that he should have run away, climbed a tree, the tallest available, and wait until the sun rose again, or until his dad could come and save him ?

How could he have know that there were real monsters, worse than those hiding under his bed ?

Monsters who didn't hesitate to punish an innocent little boy just to take revenge on his father ?

_He couldn't have known._


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 : Escape and bite

When the man began to growl and double over with pain, the little boy had reacted as his parents had taught him.

Seeing someone in difficulty, Remus remembered the words of his mother and asked him again if he needed help.

He hadn't thought for one moment that he should have made use of those precious few seconds to flee as quickly as possible, to run into the safety of the house, and take refuge in his father's lap.

He'd watched, with a morbid sort of fascination, the bones twisting and shifting under the man's skin, his nails bursting from his fingers into claws, his spine bending, forcing the man onto all fours. Then the man's skin had stretched and sprouted fur, forming a tail. He had watched as the skin turned from a dirty, jaundice yellow to a darker grey-brown, then into a full grey hide. He had watched the man's eyes turn from a sickening whitish yellow into two amber orbs. He had heard the pained groans transform into the growls of an animal.

For what seemed like eternity, he had watched as the man had disappeared to make way for the wolf.

The Werewolf stories his mother told him came back to haunt him, but his father had also said that they were normal people. Just sick.

So he hadn't any reason to be afraid, had he ? Werewolves weren't really monsters.

When he saw the animal get up and shake his head, illuminated by the light of the full moon, the first thought Remus had had was _"He's beautiful..."_

Then a memory had resurfaced, reminiscent of an evening a few weeks ago.

_"Greyback, Remus... is a wolf. A huge, very bad wolf, who turns into a man. If you ever see him, you must run away. As fast as possible, you must come back to mummy and me, okay ? If you are too far from us, try to climb up as high you can. Wolves don't know how to climb. And above all, above all Remus... Don't let him bite you !"_

When the beast had turned towards him, lips pulled back, fangs glistening and sparkling, Remus had known with certainty that he had just found the "Greyback".

Immediately, the part of his brain dedicated to intelligent thought and reasoning had gone on standby. It would have been useless in dealing with a massive wolf. Instincts had taken his body over instead.

Without knowing what he was doing, the little boy turned on his heels and didn't think, all he knew was that he had to run away as fast as he could. A primitive terror filled him, screaming at him that whatever he did, he couldn't let the predator catch him. He heard it, powerful legs pounding over the ground with each stride. It wasn't a normal wolf. His instincts screamed at him that normal wolves were discreet, they hunted in packs. This thought electrified him and he accelerated his pace, ignoring the pain in his legs.

When he had seen the edge of the woods and the lights of his house, he had thought he was saved.

If he had been able to think, he would have understood that his best chance for escape would be to climb a tree and scream for his father.

He would have understood that once it was out of the forest, the beast wouldn't be slowed by trees, and would be able to run even faster.

He only realised his mistake after he collapsed into the ground and a heavy weight landed on his back.

Before he could cry out in fear, he had felt a sharp pain and heard a horrible crack, felt his muscles tear. He felt his blood gush out.

Before he could screech in pain, he heard a cry of horror. He had seen a flash of red light, then green through the fog which had begun to obscure his vision.

He heard the beast squeak in pain when the red light hit it. He felt him scamper off before it was struck by the green light.

He felt a cool, shaking hand on his forehead, and heard his father tell him not to move.

_Why_? It hurt and he wanted to go home !

He also heard the sobs of his mother. Her supplications, her soothing words, her promises.

"No... Never... He will never... He will no longer... Why him ?! Why..."

Overwhelmed by the pain boring into his arm, he couldn't even cry. He gasped desperately, trying in vain to breathe.

When his father realised this, he had cast an Anapneo charm in a quavering voice, and any onlooker would have seen that he had seemed to age about twenty years in a matter of seconds. Seconds which, although Remus hadn't known it yet, had changed his life forever.

When his vision blurred, as he'd lost too much blood for his small body to handle, a ridiculous, completely stupid thought about the owl and the notebook that he'd left in the forest crossed his mind. He attempted to ask for them to find it, strangely affected by the idea, but his father had picked him up, no doubt to take him to the hospital. The movement shook his bleeding arm, finally drawing from him a sob of pain, and he had fainted.

* * *

A

**A/N:** Reviews appreciated :)


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 : Waking and Reacting

The first thing he noticed when he was woken up was the light. White and violent.

Then, the pain. A throbbing pain in his arm. He couldn't move it.

He blinked, trying to get accustomed to the surrounding brightness. He sat up as best as he could, until he was upright in the bed, then saw the bandage which enveloped his arm.

The doctor entered the room, before being hustled over by his mother, who pushed him to the side of the bed.

She pulled her son into a suffocating embrace, holding all of his aching body tight, as though trying to reassure herself he was really there.

His father could not hug him because of his wife, so he just ruffled Remus's hair with moist eyes.

Remus asked if he could come back home and was surprised by his own voice. It was rough. His father explained that it was because he had been in a coma for a long time. His mother had continued by saying they could go back home that day, but the doctor had to explain something to him first.

He still remembered the Mediwizard's speech after all these years. He remembered too his confusion, the pain, the memory of the beast, the shock... All of it filled up his head with a cotton-wool like fog.

The doctor had a forced smile on his face, and hadn't stopped fiddling with his hands. He had taken the floor, trying somehow not to seem too awkward or frightened.

He hadn't understood until much later that he had been frightened of _him_. After all, he was six years old, injured and just rousing from a coma which had lasted several days, so theoretically, the man had nothing to be afraid of.

But that was the thing. Maybe he had been a child, but he was also a monster, even if he hadn't realise it at the time.

Remus listened to the man quietly, as he explained how from that day on, he would have to spend every full moon locked up, because he was no longer human.

He hadn't understood right away. Why wasn't he human? Why did he have to be locked up?

He felt his mother's hands tense on his shoulders, and saw his father's fists clench.

Seeing the glowers of his parents, the Mediwizard started again, speaking in a mumble.

He explained to Remus, while fiddling non-stop with his fingers, that he would turn into a monster. Flinching at the almost animal growl from his mother, he'd corrected himself mid-word. "Monster" became "wolf".

A useless correction. It didn't matter what excuses his parents made up, it didn't change anything. He had become a monster overnight.

But his young self - _so stupid and naïve _- had smiled, ignorant to the tragedy of the situation.

"So it's a lot like being an Animagus, then?"

There was a shocked silence in the little, sterilised room.

Seeing their lack of response, he tried to explain.

"If I turn myself into a wolf, it's nearly like being an Animagus, right? I've read it in a book, they can be animals! It's just that I can't control the transformation, but it's almost the same thing, isn't it?"

_He was a child, but it was still a dumb thought..._

His father looked at Remus, several expressions passing over his face.

Pain, from seeing his son's innocence, and knowing it would be trampled by human cruelty.

Sadness. To know that his only son's chances of a bright future had turned to dust before they had been realised.

Fury. With the monster who had dared touch his child.

And shame. He hadn't been able to protect him, hadn't considered that he would go outside where that man had been waiting for him.

So much shame...

All because of him. These last seven years, Remus had been the cause of the worst of his parents' difficulties and suffering.

The Mediwizard tried to correct him, still mumbling, but he stiffened.

Remus' mother tightened her hug, daring anyone to refute her.

She had let this man talk. The doctor should have told him the truth, not tried to convince him of these absurdities.

Remus remembered clearly the heavy atmosphere. His mother had been furious, showing the wrath of a mother who had failed to protect her child, a maternal and primal instinct.

But in fact, it had only been a mother's love. He had the bitter experience of primal and bestial instincts these days, and not one of them concerned love. Just violence and a taste for blood.

"Yes, that's right, my angel. It's almost like being an Animagus..."

Wrong. A lie. But he wasn't mad with her. How could he be, when she had never left him, not for one second, despite what he'd become? His mother, who had never ceased to love him, whatever the consequences?

Anyone else would have left him in a forest, or locked him in a cellar...

He buried his face in the crook of her neck, and inhaled her comforting scent happily. He hadn't paid attention to his developed sense of smell.

He had listened to her words, accepting them as the absolute truth, with all the faith that young, human or otherwise, afford their mothers.

"Don't worry, my darling, it's okay. It's okay. It's okay, I swear..."

* * *

**A/N**: Reviews are wonderful! :D


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 : Transformation and disillusionment

His first transformation had been horribly painful. Both physically and mentally.

In the lead up to full moon, his parents had become more and more sober and nervous. At the time, he hadn't understood why.

He was so excited at the thought of his first transformation...

The evening of the full moon, they led him into the cellar. He was surprised.

The door had been fortified (and reinforced with spells, even if he was too young to see them), and the room, usually filled with bottles, boxes and other old things, had become a cold and empty space.

His mother led him, trembling, to the middle of the little room, and asked him to undress himself so as to not ruin his clothes. He nodded and gave her his clothing after folding it the way he had learnt. She took the pile and turned away.

Seeing the door close behind her, the little boy panicked, and asked, shivering, why they weren't staying with him. His father had answered that they were staying on the other side of the door all night, and wouldn't be leaving him alone for a second.

He was about to ask why they were staying _behind_ the door and not _with him_, when the moon rose, shining in through the cellar window. He felt a pain knotting in his stomach, and he doubled over, moaning.

He was trying to scream for his parents when another wave of pain engulfed him. He fell to the ground, breathless. He had the impression that his whole body was burning.

He began to sob. Why weren't his parents coming to help him? They were just behind the door, weren't they?

He cried out in both fear and pain when a brown fur began to sprout from his arms, and an intense itching told him the same was happening over his face. He saw his skin turn brown under the hair, and his nails bend into claws, piercing the flesh on the pads of his fingers.

He cried out to his parents, desperate for their help, needing them to stop the agony...

He screamed more than ever as his ears burnt, shifting to the top of his skull.

He was assaulted by yet another pain in his lower back. He felt, without really comprehending it, a tail break through.

Lost in an ocean of pain, he didn't even register when his arms and legs transformed with sinister cracks. As his teeth were replaced with fangs, and he felt his mouth fill with blood as the gums tore, he tried again to call for help.

An all-encompassing terror overtook him when he heard his own voice. It was a hoarse, animal growl.

Suddenly, the pain stopped. He straightened, shaking, and realised he was incapable of standing on two legs.

Without having time to absorb the image of the clawed feet which had replaced his hands, and the tail protruding from his spine, or even the fur that covered him completely, the _Other_ took over.

Like a tidal wave, he felt a strange spirit appear, grow and sweep through him in seconds. He was thrown out of his own head violently, and locked inside himself, as though in a cage.

He felt the infinite rage of _the__ Other_ - his anger, his irrepressible need to bite and kill.

He was terrified, and curled himself up, hoping it was all just a nightmare.

_The__ Other_ smelt the air around him, searching for prey. Catching the scent of his mother, _he_ had leapt at the door with a rumbling growl.

_He_ scratched at the door flap for a few minutes, excited when _he_ heard the sound of sobbing.

After a while, the violent and primal need to bite and hurt something became stronger than the attractive smell of the humans hidden on the other side of the wall.

_He_ looked for another target in the small room in which he was confined, finally turning against the only living being present - the only living _beings_ present.

_Them._

_He_ thrust his fangs into his side without any hesitation, savouring the metallic taste of blood flowing in his maw, the sound of ripping flesh, the sinister crack of ribs crushing under the formidable stress of his jaws.

The pain shot through him straight away, making them scream in unison.

Behind the door, both adults quaked.

It was a scary and painful thing, to hear this scream of suffering; distressed and uncomprehending, a harrowing screech melding both human and animal voices.

_He_ had carried on mutilating himself, the machinations of his fangs and claws interrupted only by growls of rage and pained moans.

At daybreak, the transformation effectively reversed itself, and the dawning day found Remus naked, sobbing, covered with blood and wounds, laid on the little cellar's uneven, cold ground.

Immediately, his mother leaped into the room, shoving the door open.

She knelt beside him, then froze.

Her little boy stared at her, face conflicted with anger, fear and pain.

He tried to raise himself up, but his trembling arms and tortured limbs crumbled under his weight.

Then he spoke, with a hoarse, broken, accusing voice.

"Why? Why am I hurting? Why did you leave me alone? Why didn't you stop the wolf? Why did he hurt me? Why didn't you stop him hurting me? Why did you tell me it would be okay?"

His father clenched his fists, unable to give him an acceptable response. His mother held back a sob, and began to bandage him as best as she could, whispering apologies and promises that everything would be fine, trying to comfort herself as much as reassure him.

Remus, lost in the mental fog caused by the painkillers he'd swallowed, only heard a muffled humming, and said the same word over and over again, like a litany.

"Why?"


End file.
